May 10, 2012
Happy Husband, Happy Home
Last week, I shared the first of a new series at my church called “Modern Family.” This week, I pick back up with a lesson called “Happy Husband, Happy Husband.” No worries ladies, something to the effect of “Happy Wife, Happy Life” is coming up. If you’d like to watch or listen to the entire message, click HERE.
Sisk Wedding w Scripture
Photo by Lynette Mittendorf Photography
So many people will cling to the verse, “wives, submit to your husbands,” but the other end of this piece of scripture is “husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church,” followed by “He who loves his wife, loves himself.” We are to show reverence to one another.

With that in mind, men do have needs…and in this week’s (technically a couple of weeks ago) lesson, our minister described three of those top needs.

3. Companionship

Our society has gone out of its way to try to prove that men and women are the same. But there are some significant differences. For example, try as you might to prevent your little boy from playing with a gun (you can eliminate all water and nerf guns, etc. from your home), but little boys will inevitably turn something (stick, finger, piece of cardboard) into a gun…and then chase other little boys and girls around the yard. That type of behavior never fully goes away. Therefore, if men didn’t have a need for companionship, they’d really have no reason to come home – they might just get lost in the great outdoors shooting stuff.

Ephesians 2:18 says, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.'”
 
Another word that is often used for companion is playmate…and I’m not talking about the bunny kind. Men like to have fun – you know, like dogs that want you to throw them a ball. If we think back to when we were dating our husbands, it probably included a lot of fun. We laughed, we took risks, did something new, did things together, etc. Granted, I know that life happens – we have children and responsibilities take over. However, if we tried to build more fun into our marriages, we might experience stronger connections with our husbands. 

2. Sexual Intimacy

You didn’t think the top three needs of men would be void of sex, did you? Sex is not a dirty word (although I’m cringing a little bit right now as I write it multiple times) – God created it. And sure, there are plenty of things that we like in life. I am personally a huge fan of photography, frozen yogurt and cinnamon toast crunch. However, I can’t tell you the first time that I picked up a camera or ate my first Fro Yo or CTC…but if you’re like me, I bet you remember your “first time.” 

Even still, when it comes to sexual intimacy, men and women have very different attitudes. A lot of women can just take it or leave it. Meanwhile, if a man’s need for sex isn’t met at home, society tells us that there are other options. It is not uncommon to hear of men visiting strip clubs, hiring escorts or engaging in extramarital affairs. However, just as we saw in the case of Tiger Woods, we’re quickly reminded that if the need is met outside of marriage that is wrong and society (in addition to God) disapproves. 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” 
 
1. Honor 

Man’s #1 need is honor. You may recall the story of a a Prophet Without Honor found in Mark 6:16:
Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.

“Where did this man get these things?” they asked. “What’s this wisdom that has been given him? What are these remarkable miracles he is performing? Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him.
Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.” He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith.
This story reminds me of a conversation I had with one of my coworkers some time ago. This particular coworker is an incredible speaker and consultant. However, when his older brother (who is in the industry that we serve) was describing a situation that his company was faced with…and the prospect of hiring a consulting firm to serve that need, my coworker was a bit disappointed that his brother would not consider talking to him first (and I later learned that he wouldn’t entertain hiring our firm either). Essentially, we can go out into the world and do great things…but at home, we are just family.

Unfortunately, it is quite possible that we’re living with a potentially GREAT MAN that is not being fully honored. More specifically, it’s not necessarily WHAT we say to our husbands, but how we say it (you know what I’m talking about ladies). And when we don’t speak to our men with honor, they don’t hear us…they discount our words completely. At best, they’ll shut down…at worst, they’ll “fight back” with angry words.

With that said, let’s go back to Ephesians 5:21-22 and treat our husbands as we would Jesus….perhaps they’ll start to act more like Jesus in return. It’s worth a try, right?
 
11 COMMENTS

    Awesome points, Ashley! It is a lot with our motives and attitudes. By respecting the other, giving them grace and space, and by forgiving and understanding the other, so many marriages could be healthier and happier! Give, and you shall receive… It may take years to undo the bad, but do what you should do and leave the rest to God.

    Have a blessed day!
    Michelle

    Great post Ashley, always worth remembering the basics as it’s so easy to think our own thoughts.

    I’ve said it before, I love these posts and the photo is beautiful too. I like the idea of a playmate…we need to have fun together, especially now that the kids are grown, it is like starting out as newlyweds all over again.

    This should be printed out and given to every young lady prior to marriage! What fabulous marital advice, Ashley! I know you are enjoying the series, even if it sometimes makes you squirm! That is my cue that I am supposed to listen VERY INTENTLY!

    This is a really awesome post! It reminds me a lot of C.S. Lewis’s book, “Mere Christianity.” There’s a whole chapter devoted to the marriage between men and women as God intended. Your post brought up a lot of the same points.
    I think you’re right that it’s important to really honor the man that you’re with. It’s amazing how honoring them for their daily contribution to the partnership can have such a positive effect on the marriage and the way a man will treat his wife. Positive=positive, you know?

    Great post, I know that I need to value my husband a lot more than I do. Thanks for the great scriptures.

    It can be such a struggle to keep these things a priority in the thick and thin of life, but they are very true. I know when I am intentional with the points you mentioned it does make a difference in my husband’s attitude and interaction at home.

    Awesome post! Have you read For Women Only? It’s all about what the universal needs of men are…it’s so good!

    Excellent post Ashley! There are two books that I think are excellent and address these issues well. One is called “Love and Respect.” The other is “Intimate Issues.”

    Hope to remember should God bless me with my own God-given Mr. Right!

    great post!

    I LOVE reading and learning about how God wants my marriage to run! I am on my third book and I really just LOVE all the different perspectives! It is so fun! Thanks for the post! oh and if you are wondering my 3 books i read

    laughing your way to a better marriage- mark gungor

    created to be his helpmeet- Debra pearl

    and now reading the 5 love languages!

    I have learned so much! Oh and i took a seminar on love and respect! We both learned so much on that! So true about the honor!!


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